Introduction
Parents can have a profound impact on how well their children adapt to a divorce or separation. Reaching out for help – seeking resources and advice for your family during separation or divorce – is one of the most loving and supportive things you can do for your children at this time.
A Guide for Grown-ups was designed to help parents and other supportive adults guide children through separation and divorce. Use the guide as a companion to A Kids' Guide to Separation and Divorce and/or A Teen Guide to Parental Separation and Divorce to help you identify the importance of:
- Separating your feelings about the separation or divorce from your parental responsibilities
- Understanding your children’s need to have a relationship with the other parent
- Keeping children out of the conflict
- Handling issues with sensitivity
- Being clear to the children that they are not to blame
(A Kids' Guide to Separation and Divorce and A Teen Guide to Parental Separation and Divorce are referred to as the “Kids' Guide” and the “Teen Guide” throughout the Guide for Grown-ups.)
For ease of reference, this Guide for Grown-ups is divided into the same basic categories as the Kids’ and Teen Guides:
- Why parents separate or divorce
- Changes that may happen because of the break-up
- Emotions children may feel when their parents separate or divorce
- Tools or strategies children can use to cope
- Information about the laws surrounding separation and divorce
- Getting help and finding resources
We recommend that you read through the Kids’ Guide and the Teen Guide. They were written for children, and offer valuable insight into how kids view the break-up of their parents' relationship – feelings of confusion, a sense of loss, and fears about the future of their family are all discussed. You may choose to read the Kids’ and Teen Guides all at once before reading the Parents’ Guide, or click on the links for the corresponding sections as you work through this Parents’ Guide.
Introduce your 5- to 12-year-old children to the Kids’ Guide. They will discover a village setting with illustrations and words they can click on to learn more. As they make their way through the site, your children will meet a cast of characters who introduce them to the different topics. To hear the characters read the information out loud, children can use the FLASH version of the Kids’ Guide.
The Teen Guide was developed for use by preteens and teens, and also has a FLASH version. You can offer to go through the site with them, but children of this age may want to read through the material on their own. Make sure they know that you are available to answer their questions.
Bookmark the sites on your computer so you and your children can refer back to them as different issues come up.
Understanding more about how children feel about separation and divorce will help you focus on handling their concerns with sensitivity, love, and support. Ideally, both parents will commit to focusing on the children’s welfare during the divorce/separation. However, it may be left to one parent to help guide their family throughout this process. Your children will benefit from your commitment to help them accept the situation, adapt to the changes, and rebuild the family.
Next Section: Why Parents Divorce
