Telling the Children
One of the most difficult steps for parents when they decide to separate or divorce is telling their children. Parents often put off this emotional discussion because they do not know how to break the news to their family. It is important, however, to be honest with your children once the decision has been made. How you deal with this crucial step will have a great impact on how your children adapt to this change in their lives.
Although tensions may be running high, couples should try to come to an agreement on what and how they will inform the children. When considering what to say about the reason you have decided to separate or divorce, see Why Parents Separate or Divorce. Carefully plan the discussion, such as how to approach the children and how to respond to their questions, as this will go a long way to helping your family cope with the news. Remember, your children look to you for guidance: their reaction will be affected by how you tell them the news.
This information provided here will help you decide:
- Who should tell the children
- How to approach children of different age groups
- Where and when to have the conversation
- What you should and should not say
- How to answer their questions
If there has been open hostility between you and your partner in the household, the news of your decision to end your relationship may not be totally unexpected – particularly for older or teenage children. It will be more shocking for families when couples have kept their troubles private. Whatever the situation – even when couples constantly argue in front of the family – discovering that their parents' have decided to separate or divorce is certainly upsetting and traumatic for children.
Before you sit down with the family, read through Feelings in the Kids' Guide and/or Emotions in the Teen Guide to give you an understanding of how your children may feel – and react – when they learn of your decision.
Who should talk to the children?
What if the children are in different age groups?
When and where should the conversation take place?
What you should say
What you should not say
Responding to children’s questions
General tips for handling your children’s questions
Talking to teachers, coaches, and extended family
Next Section: Responding to Children’s Questions
