What you should say

If you haven't already done so, read Why Parents Separate or Divorce for advice on what to tell children about the reason you have decided to separate or divorce.

In general terms, describe why you and your partner have decided to part.

Take care not to accuse the other parent of any wrongdoing, as this will only add to children’s confusion.

It is important to emphasize to the children that they are not to blame. They will need to hear this from you many times and in many different ways, especially during the early stages of the separation or divorce. Research has shown that most children’s first reactions are feelings of guilt and that they did something to cause the break-up.

They will also need to hear that adults separate or divorce because of problems in their relationship, but they don’t split up with their children; reassure the children that you will always be their parent and that you will never stop loving them.

Be clear that your decision is final; children should not be given false hope for a reconciliation if none exists.

Emphasize that they will not be losing one of their parents.

Use their response as a guide – do not force further conversation, but gently remind the children that you are always willing to talk more about it when they are ready.

Encourage the children to ask questions and talk about their concerns.

Click here for some examples of phrases to use when explaining the situation to your children.

Who should talk to the children?
What if the children are in different age groups?
Where and when should the conversation take place?
What you should say
What you should not say

Next Section: Responding to Children’s Questions