Separating feelings from actions
Feelings are not wrong. However, how a person chooses to act on them can produce good or bad results. Children and teens may regress to earlier behaviours or act out during a divorce. These behaviours can include:
| Children | Teens |
| Can’t think of anything else Can’t sleep Have nightmares Get really mad at people for little things Wet the bed |
Skip school Party Drink Do drugs Break the law |
Your teens need to know that the types of acting out listed above cover up the feelings temporarily, but the feelings always come back. These behaviours add to the problems they are already dealing with.
There are many healthy ways to deal with feelings. Children can talk about their feelings as often as they would like with parents, friends, brothers and sisters, and/or relatives. An impartial person like a counsellor can also be helpful. Writing about feelings and experiences in a journal helps some people to feel better. Exercise and creative activities can also help. Crying also provides a good release for feelings. There is nothing wrong with crying. And there is nothing wrong with not crying either.
Children, teens, and adults should seek help if the strong emotions last for a long time and are getting in the way of normal activities. On their Emotions web page, teens are also told that feeling depressed, having trouble managing anger, feeling extremely anxious, thinking about hurting themselves or escaping, or just feeling out of control are all situations they can and should get help for. Kids and teens can call the Helpline for Children at 310-1234 toll-free from anywhere in BC or the Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 toll-free from anywhere in Canada. You might want to post these numbers near your telephone. Also, ensure that your teens understand that these numbers are for them too.
Next: Helping your children deal with their feelings
